Dear Katy Perry,
Today a friend instructed me to listen to your new single “This Is How We Do.” Seeing as this friend and I almost always see eye to eye on all things pop, I happily obliged. While I am sure that I will end up singing this song ad naseum for the next few months – upon reaching the end of the track, I found myself with more than a few questions for you in regards to this song. I would be more than grateful if you are able to provide me with answers to any of the below:
1) First and foremost – is this really how you do?
2) What exactly do you mean by “all my girls vintage Chanel baby?” Are your girls vintage? Are they Chanel babies? Please clarify.
3) Just so we’re all on the same page – you know you’re a white girl, right? Like, dated and collaborated with John Mayer white.
4) What exactly is “no big deal”? The song? Your life? The various popsicles featured in the video?
5) Could you please elaborate on how you, Katy Perry, “straight stunt?” Gymnastics? Shooting hooops? Driving cars off of cliffs?
6) No question, just wanted to give props for somehow working in La Super Rica into a song. (Side note: Now I wantttt itttttt)
7) Have you yourself ever used rent money to pay for bottle service?
8) Who was this song written for originally?
9) Are you absoultely, positively sure you would like the beat back?
10) And finally, where can a girl get a pair of those pizza earrings???
Your timely response is greatly appreciated.